i don't understand
    i came prepared
for coldness
  i was prepared
for anything but what actually happened
i deliberately created space
    because i didn't want to push
but you
  reached for me
 played with me
marked me up and called me pretty and kissed and touched and loved on me
and let me kiss and touch and love on you
   and i cannot comprehend
how you are able to look me in the eye
and say "whenever"
how i went from you reaching out to me
  to shut into a corner again
and i'm afraid to even ask
   because i'm terrified
you will shut down again
  close off
slam the door in my face
  i trusted completely
and with your marks still on my body
  you let me know
i'm so unimportant
  that you're fine going months
 with no contact.

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