i
am
passionate
complete alone,
but happy with
some
others
caring
intense
afraid, but constantly
fighting
it
contradictory
hedged about with protections
instinctive
emotionally motivated
introverted
unwilling to talk/unable to shut
up
the owner of a mask that 90%
of the people i meet
will never
get
past -
and if you think you've seen
behind the mask,
trust me:
unless you have seen me
undone by emotion,
held me
while i dissolved in tears
or in the aftermath
of a panic attack
or had
a three am conversation
about things in the center
of both our beings,
you
haven't.
i am
allowed to make my own choices
about who i let in
i am
too quick to accept guilt
for denying the fantasies of strangers
and i need to remember
that while i am responsible
for being honest
and true to myself in my interactions
with others,
i
am
not
responsible
for making sure fantasies
and reality
ever match up.
i am
quick to love
and slow to let go,
unable to forget
but quick to forgive
and understand
my forgiveness is for you
but also
for myself,
because i refuse to hate
no matter what is done.
i am
a service-oriented
painslut
bratty
pet
submissive
and i am the only one
who decides
to whom
i submit.
i am
myself.
13.7.16
6.7.16
Sex sex sex
Lost
i so often
stand aloof,
closed off, turned away
because once i let you in,
once we've met
in that intimacy,
the craving becomes a thing
so strong
the smell of your skin
has me reacting,
much less a casual touch
or deliberate one; i
can only let so many
in,
or i might
explode with longing:
Let me learn you
with hands and lips and tongue,
run your hands over
every
inch
of my body;
let me find the places
that bring gasps
or moans,
lose myself in you
memorize your taste and smell.
Find out
what barely grazing my skin
with your fingertips
looks like under lamplight,
day, and twilight casts,
how it makes me writhe,
let my lips speak
secrets on your skin -
Can we just
be lost together
buried in each other's flesh
for a little while?
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