When what you say
lights me up
and i want to paint you,
the roughness, the edges,
that twist of danger
and all the endless
softness
of your touch your voice your smile
The unsurprising
Revelations,
your tendency to avoid
"how are you" in favor of
anything else,
my own surprise
at how you
illuminate
me
How i want to sink in, to roll myself
around in you, lose myself
in your brain your psyche your tenderness
The anger not at me, never at me
Rather FOR me, my protection
and i can breathe -
hell, i can fly -
But all on my own, the wings
you illuminate belong to me,
the pictures you paint in words and care and
admitting who you are
me
How am i this lovely thing you see?
How do i stay, this far, no farther,
when all i want to do is paint
your body your face your touch your eyes
with my fingers, my lips, my limbs
Those eyes i want to climb inside
the lips, shoulders, gaze that sets me
longing, maybe
even pining for the rest of you -
The what
ifs
scattered like milk
and honey across my world
how do i not give in?
14.5.17
11.1.17
Realism
Realism
The reality of this situation is:
there is nowhere for any of this
overflowing
messy
emotion to go, and you
are gonna rend your heart
on the rocks of "What if."
But goddammit, do those
"what if"s feel good.
Twining yourself into arms in thought,
if not reality,
kneeling and breathing and thinking and
what if
that hand were on your neck
in your hair
that knife were at your throat
that voice were whispering
into your ear
what if
those arms were holding
lips touching
bodies twining
what
if
That light he turns on you
all the dark spots lit by
seeing you this way,
What
If
That light he turns on you
all the dark spots lit by
seeing you this way,
What
If
you could kneel and know
it was safe to give yourself up
put yourself at his
mercy
hand over all this
bottled emotion,
hand over all this
bottled emotion,
submit
Just
keep
breathing.
Don't
Don't wish,
don't think too far
don't do it
Do not open that door,
the what ifs, beyond
what you've already seen
Do not mistake this for anything
but what it is -
moments in time, nothing
that can ever be.
Don't wish
don't think too far
don't do it
Do not open that door,
the what ifs, beyond
what you've already seen
Do not mistake this for anything
but what it is -
moments in time, nothing
that can ever be.
Don't wish
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