When what you say
   lights me up
and i want to paint you,

 the roughness, the edges,
   that twist of danger
   and all the endless
   of your touch your voice your smile

The unsurprising
   your tendency to avoid
  "how are you" in favor of
  anything else,

my own surprise
  at how you

How i want to sink in, to roll myself
  around in you, lose myself
     in your brain your psyche your tenderness
   The anger not at me, never at me
    Rather FOR me, my protection

 and i can breathe -
   hell, i can fly -
But all on my own, the wings
   you illuminate belong to me,

  the pictures you paint in words and care and
    admitting who you are
   How am i this lovely thing you see?

How do i stay, this far, no farther,

  when all i want to do is paint

  your body your face your touch your eyes
   with my fingers, my lips, my limbs
Those eyes i want to climb inside
  the lips, shoulders, gaze that sets me
  longing, maybe
     even pining for the rest of you -
The what
  scattered like milk
     and honey across my world

how do i not give in?



i write a lot. Most of the time i don't quite get what i want to say said. Once in a great long while, though, one comes out that evokes precisely the emotion i'm trying to convey. Even sharing the good ones feels like peeling my skin off and letting people peek under it, so please be gentle in any commentary. This is one i wrote back in December, kind of an over-arching thing.

The following is under Adult Content for obvious reasons, not least of which is the content of the poem.


The reality of this situation is:
there is nowhere for any of this
emotion to go, and you
are gonna rend your heart
on the rocks of "What if."

But goddammit, do those
"what if"s feel good.

Twining yourself into arms in thought,
if not reality,
kneeling and breathing and thinking and

what if
that hand were on your neck
in your hair
that knife were at your throat
that voice were whispering
into your ear

what if
those arms were holding
lips touching
bodies twining

That light he turns on you
all the dark spots lit by
seeing you this way,

you could kneel and know
it was safe to give yourself up
put yourself at his
hand over all this
bottled emotion,



Don't wish,
    don't think too far
  don't do it

 Do not open that door,
    the what ifs, beyond
  what you've already seen

Do not mistake this for anything
   but what it is -
    moments in time, nothing
  that can ever be.

  Don't wish