Lessons Learned

   i
   am
    passionate
   complete alone,
  but happy with
   some
    others
    caring
   intense
     afraid, but constantly
   fighting
     it
contradictory
   hedged about with protections
  instinctive
  emotionally motivated
   introverted
   unwilling to talk/unable to shut
     up
the owner of a mask that 90%
   of the people i meet
   will never
    get
    past -
  and if you think you've seen
  behind the mask,
   trust me:
   unless you have seen me
  undone by emotion,
      held me
   while i dissolved in tears
   or in the aftermath
   of a panic attack
  or had
  a three am conversation
   about things in the center
   of both our beings,
 you
   haven't.

i am
allowed to make my own choices
   about who i let in
i am
   too quick to accept guilt
    for denying the fantasies of strangers
   and i need to remember
     that while i am responsible
    for being honest
    and true to myself in my interactions
   with others,
  i
 am
  not
 responsible
  for making sure fantasies
   and reality
   ever match up.
i am
  quick to love
   and slow to let go,
   unable to forget
 but quick to forgive
and understand
   my forgiveness is for you
  but also
  for myself,
   because i refuse to hate
  no matter what is done.
i am
  a service-oriented
 painslut
bratty
 pet
  submissive
  and i am the only one
 who decides
 to whom
   i submit.
i am
myself.