4.5.16

A List of Reasons Why You Shouldn't Date Me:

Because
   i'm often irritable
      or angry
   and i can't always explain why.

 Because
   i feel everything
   so deeply
     that i sometimes cannot
    completely control my emotional responses,
     and it's the little things
  that affect me most.

 Because
   between the anxiety
    and the depression
   there are days i desperately need
    attention
  affection
  reassurance
  but
    i often cannot ask -
  i dread
   being
  just an annoyance
  just a burden
  just a pain.

Because i'm a brat,
   and sometimes it's cute
   but other times
   i see the line
   and dance blithely across it,
   until smacked
    or reprimanded.

Because
   the voice in the back of my head
   tells me
  that every
  single
  thing
 he said
   was accurate,
   that i am weak
  pathetic
 bad
hurtful
  crazy
and no matter how often
  i remember
that he was wrong,
  that voice
  says
  He Was Right - and
 i am trying
 so
hard
  to shut
  it
 up
and i often can't express
  how very much
   one or two words
     can help.

Because
  while expensive presents
  make me incredibly uncomfortable,
  i am a downright whore
  for attention
  sometimes.
  And like a cat,
  other times i just want
  to be left alone.

Because
   i am so often afraid.

Because
   i can talk for HOURS
  about fabric,
   or embroidery,
   or obscure historical facts
   or pretty much anything else
  but mostly
  i apologize too much
   for my own passions.

Because
  i refuse connections
  or hand myself over
   without a second thought
and there is no telling
 which you'll get -
   and when i choose
  handing myself over,
 i often grow afraid
   after the fact,

Because
   i am not
   everyone's cup of tea
  as the saying goes,
   but maybe
   i'm someone's
  shot of whiskey
  once in a while.

Because
  part of me now waits
 for any new
  Anything
  to go sideways
regardless of what i do
  or don't do.

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