Examination

i suppose
  one reason i'm healing
is that i was ready for that split
    six months before it happened.
Not consciously
   but part of me knew already
    that the things he said and did
 were at direct odds with each other
   and that same still, small part of me
 that knows you care
knew he gave no shits,
  that his anger at my lack of trust
    was because he was lying
 that this was over
  and it was past time
to take off the collar.
  It just took six months
    for my conscious mind
 to catch up.
Hell, some days i still miss it
  his hand in my hair
   collar on my neck
  "Good girl" on his lips
but what i miss
  isn't what was
but what appeared to be
  before it all came out.