Paradoxes

she spends her days
   in silence, stillness,
   content to be alone.
  she longs for contact
    affection
   attention
conversation
  acknowledgement that she IS.

  she knows where she stands
   and is content, even - when she feels it -
  happy.
   she longs for something else,
   more
not sure what, but something.

  she's adult
   responsible
  reliable
she's a child
   wild and silly
  capable of going so far
   overboard
   that she gets smacked down.

she's loving
  direct
 unafraid of showing her feelings
   affections
   desires
she's silent
   and fearful of being
  so vulnerable
  with anyone.

she's terrified
  of everything
 but makes herself pretend
  to be brave
  because sometimes
"Fake it til you make it"
  actually works.

she doesn't ever want
  to hurt or upset anyone
 she cares for
   she can be a total
   pain in the ass.

she needs no approval
   no "Good job" or
  "good girl" or pats on the back
  from anyone
  to feel good about herself.
But if you want to see her
   incandescent,
 watch
   when the right people
  use one of those phrases.

she forgets to say
  anything
  to anyone
  for weeks;
  she talks incessantly
   and can't remember
how to be still.

she is entirely
  self-sufficient;
  she feels
like she cannot survive
  without that ring
 around her throat.

Take her apart,
  and you will find
  equal parts
prickly bitchiness
 and open love,
  anger
  kindness
fear
bravery
planning
  and impulsiveness,
  something beautiful
 and strange
entirely accessible
and entirely beyond
anyone's grasp.